My 20’s: by the numbers...
10 years.
17 roommates
16 countries visited
12 addresses
6 hospital visits
5 car accidents
5 times being a bridesmaid
4 church ministries
3 states lived in
My 20’s: lessons learned...
1. I am never stuck. I guess I was under the impression that once you settled down and made a career choice that that is it, but I longed for more and realized that while sacrifice would be involved...I could have more of life. of him. of adventure if I truly wanted it. And I did.
2. A broken heart (or two) isn’t required to know how to love deeply and fully but when it becomes a part of your story, it is impressive how, if you let it, God can redeem the hurt and teach you so much about your own self in the process.
3. My voice isn’t always needed or wanted. Sometimes it is more important to sit and listen rather than to try and get your point made. It is humbling and hard but refining at the same time.
4. Friendships, even best friends, can last for a season and that’s okay. As life and circumstances change, inevitably so do friendships. Being a loyalist this has been a hard thing for me to learn and comprehend but I have appreciated the freedom in recognizing that some things are just for a season and knowing this, I can be grateful for the friendship and the purpose it played in my life rather than grieving what is no more.
5. Saying ‘No’ is Possible. Not easy, but possible.
6. Being in love, with the right person, is the greatest feeling in the world.
7. Family relationships are worth the effort.
8. Counseling is a gift from God.
9. It is okay to be kind to yourself.
10. I am His Beloved.
My 20’s: favorite moments...
-Living in Uganda for 3 months. Seeing Doreen smile. Singing over Juliana. Dancing at church with Rodney and Medina. Riding the boat to the islands with Timothy.
-Traveling to Italy with Catherine and learning to like wine in the process.
-Graduating from Johnson Bible College.
-Speaking at my first CIY conference.
-Moving to California...and finding home.
-Taking a dance class for the first time in my life at the age of 28.
-My brother’s and sister’s weddings.
-Getting accepted into Fuller for Grad School.
-Meeting Kalunde, the girl I sponsor in Kenya.
-Watching through the years so many people have their “ah ha” moments wtih God and seeing their lives transformed.
My 20s: People I’ve Lost
Dziadju. My Dad’s Dad. He was a retired firefighter who taught all of us that family was most important and he worked tirelessly to support his. He and my grandma would come to my high school dances, performances, and other important events. He was a bit rough around the edges but was always open to me cuddling in his lap, even if he did suspect that I wanted something. He would always bring us the good kind of cereal when he visited, the kind my mom would never buy. And without fail, we would be holding a $5 bill in our hands when he left. He died suddenly and it took everyone by surprise. He continues to be missed greatly by our family.
Julie.My second mom. A beautiful woman who suffered with so many health problems. She started babysitting me when I was a baby and she and her husband Scott lived most of my life within a couple of blocks from my home. Family vacations, holidays. and other important moments included them without a second thought. Julie couldn’t have children so my brother, sister and I became her children and we felt that. She was notorious for her jokes and her songs and taught me how to suffer gracefully and how to choose joy. It has been a few years since I gave the eulogy at her funeral but her absence continues to leave such a void and there are days when it physically hurts to realize that she is no longer with us.
Tessa. A former youth group student. She was killed in a car accident. Going back to Indiana for the funeral and grieving with her friends and family was both incredibly hard and at the same time therapeutic. Life is so fleeting and so fragile. She lived the heck out of hers. She taught those around her how to be comfortable and confident in their own skin and she definitely lived to the beat of a different drummer. We just acknowledged the year anniversary of her death. My heart aches for her parents and sister and for all her friends who at such a young age have been forced to deal with such an incredible loss.
My twenties have been marked by transition. I have learned so much about myself and feel as though my 20s have taught me how to be comfortable in my own skin. I can honestly say that I love my life. I am overwhelmed with gratitude by the job that I have, the place where I live, and the people that I get to do life with. There have been growing pains for sure, but I can say with confidence that I am a fan of my 20s and looking so forward to what God has in store for me in my 30s!
Monday, April 9, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Discipleship.
I've been spending a lot of time wrestling through what discipleship is, how to create avenues for people to be discipled, and what it means to multiply the efforts thoughtfully and strategically. While I have many more questions than answers, I came across this definition in Jesus and Community by Gerhard Lohfink:
"Discipleship is sensing the miracle of the reign of God and to pursue radically the path of Jesus, fascinated by the gift of a new possibility of human community.”
This resonates in a deeper way with me than a definition of a disciple simply being one who follows Jesus. This begins to shed light on the how and the why we would choose to follow Jesus.
I love the phrase "miracle of the reign of God"...it's bigger and fuller and more meaningful than we could ever comprehend. It's allowing ourselves to be open to the bigger picture of what God is doing, what His Kingdom is, and what it means that His Kingdom has come.
I love the idea of radical pursuit. There is action involved and it isn't normal, or ordinary, or safe. It is radical because Jesus was radical.
But I think I love most the idea of being Fascinated (allowing the awe and wonder to captivate us) by the gift of a new possibility of human community. Discipleship is so much more than following a list of old rules and forcing ourselves to be better and look better. Instead, it's an invitation to dream of what could be, of the depth of the possibility that is found in Christ, and the gift that is ours to enjoy...in community.
"Discipleship is sensing the miracle of the reign of God and to pursue radically the path of Jesus, fascinated by the gift of a new possibility of human community.”
This resonates in a deeper way with me than a definition of a disciple simply being one who follows Jesus. This begins to shed light on the how and the why we would choose to follow Jesus.
I love the phrase "miracle of the reign of God"...it's bigger and fuller and more meaningful than we could ever comprehend. It's allowing ourselves to be open to the bigger picture of what God is doing, what His Kingdom is, and what it means that His Kingdom has come.
I love the idea of radical pursuit. There is action involved and it isn't normal, or ordinary, or safe. It is radical because Jesus was radical.
But I think I love most the idea of being Fascinated (allowing the awe and wonder to captivate us) by the gift of a new possibility of human community. Discipleship is so much more than following a list of old rules and forcing ourselves to be better and look better. Instead, it's an invitation to dream of what could be, of the depth of the possibility that is found in Christ, and the gift that is ours to enjoy...in community.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Church people or Kingdom people
From Announcing the Kingdom of God: The Story of God's Mission in the Bible- Arthur F. Glasser
"The church gets in trouble whenever it thinks it is in the church business rather than the Kingdom business. IN the church business, people are concerned with church activities, religious behavior and spiritual things. In the Kingdom business, people are concerned with Kingdom activities, all human behavior and everything God has made, visible and invisible. Kingdom people see human affairs as saturated with spiritual meaning and Kingdom significance. Kingdom people seek first the Kingdom of Go d and its justice; church people often put church work above concerns of justice, mercy and truth. Church people think about how to get people into the church; Kingdom people think about hot to get the church into the world. CHurch people worry that the world might change the church; Kingdom people work to see the church change the world....If the church has one great need, it is this: To be set free for the Kingdom of God, to be liberated from itself as it has become in order to be itself as God intends. The church must be freed to participate fully in the economy of God. (1983:11) - Howard A. Snyder
Grateful to work at a church that values Kingdom work and Kingdom collaboration. I believe that more time we spend focusing on the Kingdom, the more people will see the beauty of the Gospel message that is being offered.
What type are you? A church person or a Kingdom person?
"The church gets in trouble whenever it thinks it is in the church business rather than the Kingdom business. IN the church business, people are concerned with church activities, religious behavior and spiritual things. In the Kingdom business, people are concerned with Kingdom activities, all human behavior and everything God has made, visible and invisible. Kingdom people see human affairs as saturated with spiritual meaning and Kingdom significance. Kingdom people seek first the Kingdom of Go d and its justice; church people often put church work above concerns of justice, mercy and truth. Church people think about how to get people into the church; Kingdom people think about hot to get the church into the world. CHurch people worry that the world might change the church; Kingdom people work to see the church change the world....If the church has one great need, it is this: To be set free for the Kingdom of God, to be liberated from itself as it has become in order to be itself as God intends. The church must be freed to participate fully in the economy of God. (1983:11) - Howard A. Snyder
Grateful to work at a church that values Kingdom work and Kingdom collaboration. I believe that more time we spend focusing on the Kingdom, the more people will see the beauty of the Gospel message that is being offered.
What type are you? A church person or a Kingdom person?
Monday, January 9, 2012
2011 in Review
I saw this and thought it was a good way to recap this past year. Enjoy.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
I became the missional life pastor at my church after serving 10 years in youth ministry, and I started grad school.
2.Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I’ve never been big on resolutions...it’s this weird thing for me that they just provide ways to fail...with that being said I know that I wanted to do better at bringing a sense of balance to my life and I feel like that happened. This year is all about responsibility and getting things in order ie: Health, Finances, School...
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Of course. I feel like I’m in a perpetual season where friends and family members keep having babies and I love it. Looking forward to April of this year when I will become an aunt for the first time!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Tessa. She was a former student in the youth ministry that I was a part of in Indianapolis. She was killed in a car accident. She lived the heck out of her short years here on earth. Filled with spunkiness, joy, and a lot of weird. :o)
5. What countries did you visit?
Dubai, Kenya, Uganda, Ireland, Italy
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
No migraines :o).
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 5. Tessa was killed in a car accident.
May 22. Joplin was hit by an F5 tornado. So many friends and loved ones are there...remember watching the news footage and weeping.
November 15. Made a good but really hard decision.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting accepted to Fuller’s MAGL program.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Being able to live with a dog...I just couldn’t do it.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Migraines are a constant part of my life. I was also in my 5th car accident this year.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
iPad...still don’t know all the goodness that it offers, but it’s fun :o)
12. Where did most of your money go?
Getting out of debt!
13. What did you get really excited about?
My trip to Italy with my friend Catherine. It had been awhile since I had traveled out of the country for vacation and fun!
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
LMFAO: Party Rock Anthem
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Happier in some ways. Feeling like I’m getting to know myself better and better. – thinner or fatter? Same. – richer or poorer? Richer.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time in Laguna. My favorite park is there.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Checking email and being on the internet.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
Stayed in California and got adopted by a few families. Morning with friends Mike and Lindsay, afternoon with Lindsay’s parents, and dinner/games with Mike and Allison.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
Happy Endings, New Girl, Parks and Recreation
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Hunger Games (series) , Little Bee, Incendiary, Girl with The Dragon Tattoo (series), The Help
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Adele, Regina Spektor, Florence and the Machine, Mumford and Sons
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
The Help
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29. I celebrated at Alondra’s Hot Wings with old small group friends and Fuego with my Monday Night crew.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Making a hard decision a lot sooner than I actually made it. It never got easier and I could have saved some heartache.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Dressy Casual.
26. What kept you sane?
Monday Nights with my friends.
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
It is okay to fight to be happy and worth it to do what is necessary to make happiness a reality.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
I became the missional life pastor at my church after serving 10 years in youth ministry, and I started grad school.
2.Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I’ve never been big on resolutions...it’s this weird thing for me that they just provide ways to fail...with that being said I know that I wanted to do better at bringing a sense of balance to my life and I feel like that happened. This year is all about responsibility and getting things in order ie: Health, Finances, School...
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Of course. I feel like I’m in a perpetual season where friends and family members keep having babies and I love it. Looking forward to April of this year when I will become an aunt for the first time!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Tessa. She was a former student in the youth ministry that I was a part of in Indianapolis. She was killed in a car accident. She lived the heck out of her short years here on earth. Filled with spunkiness, joy, and a lot of weird. :o)
5. What countries did you visit?
Dubai, Kenya, Uganda, Ireland, Italy
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
No migraines :o).
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 5. Tessa was killed in a car accident.
May 22. Joplin was hit by an F5 tornado. So many friends and loved ones are there...remember watching the news footage and weeping.
November 15. Made a good but really hard decision.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting accepted to Fuller’s MAGL program.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Being able to live with a dog...I just couldn’t do it.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Migraines are a constant part of my life. I was also in my 5th car accident this year.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
iPad...still don’t know all the goodness that it offers, but it’s fun :o)
12. Where did most of your money go?
Getting out of debt!
13. What did you get really excited about?
My trip to Italy with my friend Catherine. It had been awhile since I had traveled out of the country for vacation and fun!
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
LMFAO: Party Rock Anthem
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Happier in some ways. Feeling like I’m getting to know myself better and better. – thinner or fatter? Same. – richer or poorer? Richer.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spent more time in Laguna. My favorite park is there.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Checking email and being on the internet.
18. How did you spend Christmas?
Stayed in California and got adopted by a few families. Morning with friends Mike and Lindsay, afternoon with Lindsay’s parents, and dinner/games with Mike and Allison.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
Happy Endings, New Girl, Parks and Recreation
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
Hunger Games (series) , Little Bee, Incendiary, Girl with The Dragon Tattoo (series), The Help
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Adele, Regina Spektor, Florence and the Machine, Mumford and Sons
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
The Help
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29. I celebrated at Alondra’s Hot Wings with old small group friends and Fuego with my Monday Night crew.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Making a hard decision a lot sooner than I actually made it. It never got easier and I could have saved some heartache.
25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Dressy Casual.
26. What kept you sane?
Monday Nights with my friends.
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
It is okay to fight to be happy and worth it to do what is necessary to make happiness a reality.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
ADVENT
I have been so grateful for the season of Advent this year. In years past I have raced straight through to Christmas in anticipation of family and gifts and holiday parties, but this year has been different. This year, a lot has changed in a short amount of time and while I know it is all for the best, and while I know that I am in a good place, this year I have needed the season of Advent.
I needed to be reminded that it is okay to not be filled with cheer. I needed to be reminded that there is space to acknowledge that all things are not okay and that some things are simply hard. I love that the season of Advent speaks of the hope that comes at Christmas. It speaks of the hope that is found in God coming close, but acknowledges that the baby isn't here yet. That's how I have felt in this season, that hope is on the way, but the present day reality still remains hard.
So, in these past few weeks of Advent I have quieted myself. I have reflected. I have grieved. I have sat in the awe and wonder of how great my God is and now, today, as my church gathers together to celebrate Emmanuel, God With Us, I am ready to leave advent behind.
I am ready to embrace the promise of Christmas. The promise that one day all will be made right. The promise that we do not grieve at what is broken like those who have no hope, but as those who embrace His promises. I believe that Christmas communicates in such a profound way that God knows. He cares. and He loves so deeply that He couldn't stay away from our brokenness. He doesn't leave us in Advent. He comes. The following is from Psalm 10 (MSG)...
14 But you know all about it—
the contempt, the abuse.
I dare to believe that the luckless
will get lucky someday in you.
You won't let them down:
orphans won't be orphans forever.
15-16 Break the wicked right arms,
break all the evil left arms.
Search and destroy
every sign of crime.
God's grace and order wins;
godlessness loses.
17-18 The victim's faint pulse picks up;
the hearts of the hopeless pump red blood
as you put your ear to their lips.
Orphans get parents,
the homeless get homes.
The reign of terror is over,
the rule of the gang lords is ended.
Merry Christmas! May you celebrate Emmanuel, and may you know hope and peace and joy in this season.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
My Life in the Box
Jury Duty. I had always dreaded receiving the summons that would ask me to potentially put my life on hold. Luckily in 10 years of being eligible, this January I only received my second summons. I called in every night and almost made it through the week without having to report. Until Thursday night. The impersonal recording told me that on my one day off, I would have to report to the court by 7:45am.
I get there. I sit. I wait. I read. Three hours later and I am called to report to department L. Courtroom of Judge Lord (not kidding). I was juror #13, just outside of the box, when the juror selection began. I had always been under the impression that they wouldn't want a pastor in the box due to perceived biases. I was wrong. However, as luck would have it, I thought I had found my way out. I knew one of the witnesses. SURELY I would be dismissed. The defense tried to get me out. The Judge insisted that I stay. I didn't know the witness all that well so I would be fine.
Truthfully...I'm glad I got to stay. There were so many perks to being an impaneled juror:
1. Free parking
2. Got to enter through the employee entrance
3. We got a special yellow badge. Not like the generic badge that everyone gets, but a special one for the "real" jurors.
4. Didn't have to report until 9:30am, had plenty of recesses, an hour and a half for lunch and dismissed around 3pm...it was like vacation.
5. I got paid. $15/day PLUS mileage!
Honestly, it was fun. The defendant was charged with battery and resisting arrest. We found him not guilty on both accounts. The deliberation only took around an hour. We had to talk a couple jurors into the not guilty verdict for the first account but it didn't take much since what they were focusing on wasn't pertinent to the charge. We heard horror stories of people who were on juries that ended up without a verdict because despite all evidence pointing one way they couldn't convict him because he looked like their nephew and their nephew would never do something like that. Oy.
After the verdict was handed out it got a bit looney. The judge informed us that we could talk about the case with anyone and everyone. The jurors took that to heart. Some of them went up to the defendant asking if he was nervous. They wanted to know what he thought was going to happen. They gave high-fives. One of the older women told him to keep his fists down because violence was never the answer.
WHAT!?!? When did we become best friends with this guy. No offense, but I was called in to look at the facts, not hear about your plans to marry the mother of your child. I bypassed the high-fives and headed out of the courtroom.
I was happy to do my civic duty. Grateful it lasted only 3 days. This is juror #7 signing off.
I get there. I sit. I wait. I read. Three hours later and I am called to report to department L. Courtroom of Judge Lord (not kidding). I was juror #13, just outside of the box, when the juror selection began. I had always been under the impression that they wouldn't want a pastor in the box due to perceived biases. I was wrong. However, as luck would have it, I thought I had found my way out. I knew one of the witnesses. SURELY I would be dismissed. The defense tried to get me out. The Judge insisted that I stay. I didn't know the witness all that well so I would be fine.
Truthfully...I'm glad I got to stay. There were so many perks to being an impaneled juror:
1. Free parking
2. Got to enter through the employee entrance
3. We got a special yellow badge. Not like the generic badge that everyone gets, but a special one for the "real" jurors.
4. Didn't have to report until 9:30am, had plenty of recesses, an hour and a half for lunch and dismissed around 3pm...it was like vacation.
5. I got paid. $15/day PLUS mileage!
Honestly, it was fun. The defendant was charged with battery and resisting arrest. We found him not guilty on both accounts. The deliberation only took around an hour. We had to talk a couple jurors into the not guilty verdict for the first account but it didn't take much since what they were focusing on wasn't pertinent to the charge. We heard horror stories of people who were on juries that ended up without a verdict because despite all evidence pointing one way they couldn't convict him because he looked like their nephew and their nephew would never do something like that. Oy.
After the verdict was handed out it got a bit looney. The judge informed us that we could talk about the case with anyone and everyone. The jurors took that to heart. Some of them went up to the defendant asking if he was nervous. They wanted to know what he thought was going to happen. They gave high-fives. One of the older women told him to keep his fists down because violence was never the answer.
WHAT!?!? When did we become best friends with this guy. No offense, but I was called in to look at the facts, not hear about your plans to marry the mother of your child. I bypassed the high-fives and headed out of the courtroom.
I was happy to do my civic duty. Grateful it lasted only 3 days. This is juror #7 signing off.
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